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Matt”s Corner: The One with the Holidays

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Hanukkah: For the first night of Hanukkah, a woman gave her son two sweaters. The next night, since they were having guests over, the son decided to wear one of the sweaters. He put it on, then headed downstairs. His mother gave him a funny look.

Son: “What’s wrong?”

Mother: “Didn’t you like the other sweater?”

 

Christmas: A husband and wife are driving to their family’s potluck.

Wife: “Wait… did we get enough presents for each of my sister’s kids? Stop at that 24/7 Store, maybe they have something.”

Husband: “Honey, it’s Christmas Day, and we’re already late! Know when to stop!”

 

An Ode to Gift Cards:

The Holidays sneak up on you,

And before you know it, it’s the night before.

You rush downtown, through the traffic,

And into a department store.

 

Nothing worth giving is in the shelves,

Even the clearance is thin.

The employees start to glare at you,

For you’re keeping them here past ten.

 

You give in, as time is fading,

And head to the gift card rack.

You don’t find any good gift

Cards that don’t cost a stack.

 

The cashier sighs behind you,

She would like to go.

You grab a card, pay quickly,

And head back out in the snow.

 

You’re feeling tired, it’s getting late,

You really want to go home now.

You make it halfway home, and

Then get stuck behind a plow.

 

You wrap the gift you forgot to give,

And leave it on the desk.

You go to sleep, tired from

Your last-minute, late-night task.

 

The next morning, you realized

The gift cards are a bust.

Somehow, in last night’s tired haze,

You grabbed on from “Toys R Us.”

 

Normally, this would be a

Great present for a kid,

But it really isn’t appropriate

For your Grandpa Sid.

 

New Year’s: A man kept track of the progress of his New Year’s resolution resolution on his blog.

First post: “January 1. My New Year’s resolution is to cut down on caffeine. So far I pwedokx;d14rf.x1q$r114&32de”

His wife found him asleep on the keyboard.

 

Daffynition:

Boxing Day: 1. December 26. A day in European countries and some former British Colonies, when presents are given to people who provide goods and services. 2.

 

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Matt”s Corner: The One with the Holidays